Today's stock market report:

• Helium shares were on the up
• Shares in feathers were down
• Shares in paper were stationery
• Florescent tubing was dimmed in light trading
• Stocks in knives were up sharply
• Cows steered into a bull market
• The market for pencils lost a few points
• Hiking equipment was trailing
• The market for elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline
• Weights were up in heavy trading
• The demand for mining equipment hit rock bottom
• Nappies remained unchanged
• Shipping lines stayed at an even level
• The market for raisins dried up
• Coca-Cola fizzled
• Caterpillar stock inched up a bit
• Sun peaked at midday
• Scott Tissue touched a new bottom

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